Keeping up with the Ahmadinejads.

Determined to create world peace through war, the most powerful nation on earth is ignoring the most formidable weapon in its arsenal.

KEEPING UPWhile striving to make un-manned stealth aircraft more stealthy and their guidance systems less prone to being hacked into by tech-wise teenage terrorists, here in America our smartest and best are ignoring the message made clear by prime-time media and television shows such as Celebrity Intervention and Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

Lest we forget:

Bin Laden was obsessed with Whitney Houston to the point of planning a hit on Bobby Brown. Apparently it’s hard to ignore the lure of celebrity even while plotting the fall of the Twin Towers from a cave in Afghanistan. If the budget for a few smart bombs had instead been spent on a pilot for “Osama and the Diva,” another pilot named Atta would not have taken up high-rise bowling and the Trade Tower offices of brokers who missed the bailout would remain intact to this day.

Imagine:

“Bin, let’s talk. I know you believe America is the infidel and hey, that’s cool. We all have our own infidel. But really, is all this hatred worth coming home to this crappy cave with Predators flying overhead and no cable? Plus you’ve got a meeting at three with a bunch of guys who haven’t showered in a month.”

Bin reflects. Mark Burnett goes on.

“Tell you what we’ll do. We think that millions of people are going to be fascinated with what goes into planning an event of mass destruction. The little day-to-day. How you mix fake cell phones and gelignite with day care and the demands of several wives. How you even tell them apart under the burqas.”

Bin’s in.

“Think of the kids and what your influence in the entertainment industry can provide them with. like a hip-hop career. Imagine: Omar-Z on stage at the Grammys. Mother Hamida on the Red Carpet wearing Bahiya.”

There you are. 3,000 lives saved and the creation of a mecca for advertisers.

That was then and this is now and we are starring once again into the abyss, as Mahmoud Ahmadinejad takes the stage to both brag of his enhanced uranium facilities and deny any intention to finish the job another madman with a funny moustache started. Is it possible that he is motivated more by ego than ethic? That he is using his people, his culture and his position to generate re-runs of himself?

What if he is?

Why not feed the machine and shut it down at the same time by committing to twenty-six episodes of “Keeping Up With The Ahmadinejads;” a weekly update of the activities of wife and daughter Fatemeh and sons Mehdi and Alireza? Especially when the alternative preemptive strike by Israel and subsequent Iranian response is sure to accelerate the slaughter and spiral dive of hope in the Middle East.

Of course, the idea of nut cases like al-Assad choosing a reality show over killing his own people has a downside. The companies that make billions building bombs and the means to deliver them would be out of business. Along with others eager to gain from rebuilding the countries we’ve destroyed.

Even worse, “Storage Wars” would lose its time slot.

12 years ago

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