Gender equality, sort of.

The British Columbia Government is finally paying for surgery that enables women who’ve always wanted to be men to realize their dream.

scalpel-3-w-handFor years, taxpayers here in the Canadian Northwest have supported lads becoming ladies and made us better men for it. Now women can hold their sexual preference in their own hands.

The girl who has done everything can do it again and this time with balls at a fully-funded $6,000 a set. She may have climbed Everest and stuck a pole at the peak, but now her Sherpa is caught between a rock and a hard place. Last year’s Miss Universe winner can move on to take ‘World’s Sexiest Male’ off the wish list.

There’s a bit of ‘Being Malkovich’ in all of this.

We’ve all occasionally wondered what it’s like to be on the receiving end of Us, and with a little nip and tuck, now we can know for sure.

The operation itself involves turning forearms into male members to incite the awe and envy of those of us actually born with them. This pretty much takes you off the tennis circuit, but as a trade you get to toss off lines like ‘if I say you have a great body will you hold it against me’ in the local bar.

For the price of a Porsche you get an appendage that will make you the envy of all the other guys in the locker room together with a sack full of silicon as a bonus.

The implications of this transformation from Michelle to Michael go deep.

Hooters staff and social media CEO’s will become baseball players just to revel in tugging at their crotches. The new man will change his mind, drive badly, watch Chick Flicks and break through the Glass Ceiling. The remake of ‘Cool Hand Luke’ will star the remake of Lindsay Lohan, long overdue. Bridal showers will be booked in bus stations at row upon row of urinals.

Women and men alike will join in the chorus:

“Now I’ve been everything.’

11 years ago

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