I’m not a fan of conspiracy theories.

Get over it, I say. It is what it is. What you see is what you get so just pick up the pieces and make what you can of them.

I’m sure that someone out there has overwhelming evidence that the Kennedy assassination was a suicide and a meth lab explosion brought down the World Trade Center. The Moon landing may have been faked, but when Neil Armstrong made ‘one small step for a man’ onto the Universal Studios floor, it was ‘one giant leap’ for special effects; eventually leading to ‘Gravity’ and an Academy Awards nomination for Sandra Bullock. That in itself being a far greater accomplishment than hurtling 240,000 miles through space to land on a lifeless rock.

I don’t stay awake nights wondering where Amelia Earhart and Jimmy Hoffa wound up or if they died of old age in each other’s arms.

To the suspicious minds convinced that Elvis is still in the building: it’s time to move on.

That said, I admit to being a little caught up in this CNN thing.

First off, I admit to watching CNN enough to be called a fan and believe it to being relatively impartial or at least not totally blind as a Fox. Right now, in the wake of the George Washington Bridge scandal, Anderson Cooper is being kind to Chris Christy in a way that Bill O’Reilly never has been kind to Barack Obama. And passion for issues aside, Piers Morgan manages to open the door to two sides while steadfastly defending a third.

CNN is kinda apolitical. Kinda.

But something strange is in the works at Ted’s 24 Hour News. For one thing, CNN is not just news anymore. It’s The March of the Penguins, as the network adds historically popular movies to its play list. It’s an LGBT forum with a disproportionate number of anchors of non-hetero persuasion. In the crime/forensics arena, CNN is going head to redhead with David Caruso. Opportunistic and altruistic at the same time, the network created ‘Heroes;’ an annual celebration of those who give back having never received in the first place. Entertaining? An ‘A’ list of CNN contributors includes Tom Hanks bringing us a special on the Beatles.

It’s a mixed bag stuffed full of populist appeal.

There’s something for everyone at CNN … it’s a gathering place, like the market on a Saturday. Meanwhile, back at the trailer park, sistershit HLN is picking up the garbage and ensuring that the NASCAR, country music and Rush Limbach fans are along for the ride with no idea where they’re going.

Now that everyone is on board where is the Wal-Mart of networks headed?

Here, in a word, is a clue: ‘Chicagoland.’

Chicagoland is a new 8-part series to debut on CNN. It’s about … Chicago. Which means it’s also about Rahm Emanuel, the present Mayor. Rahm, you’ll recall, was reigning President Obama’s Chief of Staff. Before that, he was President Clinton’s Assistant for Political Affairs.

You begin to feel that yes indeed, Hilary will run in 2016 and when she does, it will all have been figured out and won long ago. One further telling detail: ‘Chicagoland’ is being produced by Robert Redford, who offers the following quote:

“The Democratic Party has a good story to tell, but they don’t know how to tell it. And the other side has no story to tell and they tell it loud and clear. People listen to the loud barking dog more than the mewing cat. But one of the advantages of the GOP debate — I’m speaking personally now — as horrible as it is to watch, as horrible as it is to see, at least people who have any sense at all can see, ‘This is what we’re getting? This is what we’re going to get if we elect somebody from that mob? Whoa—’”

Just when it looks like all is lost, the Sundance Kid takes the helm.