Jesus has to be rethinking his return.

The religion that carries his name is on the ropes as the Republican Party candidates and their care-less, clueless followers put psalms ahead of alms and tell the poor to go to Hell. There’s a hole in the ark, and it’s sinking faster than Atlantis, taking all the God-fearing giraffes and gerbils with it. The problem faced by the party of the blight is that deep down inside most people there resides a sense that doing good for all should triumph over doing well for one. That, of course, is what Jesus saw from his bloody perch on Calvary.

One assumes that at some point in time, the bloated, bigoted and self-serving believers who support the bible-pumping pretenders to the office of the President will see the irony. But don’t hold your breath. Big hair and bad breath have a way of obscuring and repelling the obvious.

The pairing of worship and Wall Street bailouts is unsettling but not surprising for those who would like our brief time on earth to leave a precious memory rather than a permanent stain. The marriage of Rush Limbaugh to an elephant and the sex tape to follow are too vulgar to contemplate.

Even the Bible the Tea Party reveres but apparently never reads seems to argue against the rigid, sad and same-old refrain put forward by the Right.

“Light in the messenger’s eyes brings joy to the heart.”

The light in the Republican messenger’s eye stems from ignoring the future and noting without expression that oil just broke $100 a barrel. And then rushing off to buy a Hummer to park at the golf course. The light on the Left shines from creating a technological breakthrough that fuels furnaces with pet farts and then rushing off to tour the Alps in a wingsuit.

Life it’s called. Let it be brief but not hurtful.

The current testing of two philosophies that diverge around religion will come next November. Every day it becomes more evident that the losers will be those who claim God is on their side.

If he exists at all, he isn’t.